My mind is a wasteland at least my family thinks it is, because I see the world around me a little differently than most people do and no one understands that. They think I am crazy.

Five years ago today they brought me to this God forsaken place. Henry, my husband, had passed away a few months before and I guess that my children didn’t want to take care of me anymore. I tried to tell them many times that I would move into my own apartment, but they wouldn’t allow it, so now I am stuck here all alone in the dreadful place.

The room is a dull shade of yellow and the walls are empty, except for a small wooden cross that hangs above the doorway. The furniture consists of my bed, a television and a chair a few feet from the right side of the bed. It’s all depressing really…

Hold that thought I hear someone coming…

“How are you today, sweetie?”

“Oh, I am doing just fine, sugar, will I be going home today?”

“No dear, you live here now.”

“But Henry told me he would be back for me soon.”

“Sweetie, why don’t you just take these pills, they will make you feel better in no time.”

“Okay, but can you tell Henry to come see me?”

“Yes, I will call him right away. Now you get some rest.”

…Now where were we? Ah, yes, I remember now, the room….

They make me stay in here at all times, except for when they put me in a wheel chair and take me down the hall to eat dinner, or what they call dinner anyway. It’s usually just a clump of slop they call potatoes, some mushy orange slop they say is cooked carrots, and some applesauce. I eat it all because I don’t want to get in trouble like Harold does. He sits two tables away from me and throws his potatoes up against the wall. Then two nurses come and take him away to punishment. I don’t know what happens to him, but I don’t want to find out either…

“Where am I? Henry, Help me, please! I am so scared!”

“Settle down sweetie, you are safe here. We won’t hurt you. Just lie down here for awhile.”

“I need Henry and my children. Where have you taken them?”

“They are all safe and sound, just relax….here you go…”

Those nurses are always poking around in my arms and legs and telling me to relax. They don’t understand how hard it is when I am being used as a human pin cushion. I am told that it is only because they care, but I think my children pay them to torture me because I was such a bad mother.

They tell me that I am sick with a mild case of Alzheimer’s. I tried to tell them forgetting things here and there comes with old age, but no one will listen.

This all started when I forgot to put my car in park a few times and to them that meant that I am crazy, I guess. I mean it didn’t hurt anyone, it just put a dent in the neighbor’s garage door and I bought him new one. The only other time that happened was when I was at McDonald’s and the car ran into the window, but it was okay because no one was sitting close to that area, silly children of mine…

Oh speaking of, the nurse told me that it’s Wednesday, and that means Johnny comes to visit, I think.

Johnny is my youngest and he is a spittin’ image of his father. He has four brothers and five sisters. He turned 41 last November…or maybe it was December. I can’t remember dates for anything anymore. I am getting pretty old, I turned 80 some time last fall, I think, and my brain doesn’t seem to work as well as it did when I was younger…

Johnny is here now so sit tight…

“Hey Johnny, How are you today?”

“I am doing fine, mamma, how are you feeling?”

“Oh, I am feeling aright. Maybe I will be able to come home soon.”

“Mamma, you know they won’t let you out of this place. I would take you home with me if I could, but Barbara and Alex put you in here and they have to get you out, I don’t like it any more that you do... Oh, mamma, please don’t cry.”

“But Henry, you promised me that you would come and take me away from this awful place. Why are you making me stay?”

“Mamma, it’s me, Johnny.”

“Quit playing games Henry; just tell them that you are taking me home, now!”

“Mamma, I really need to go back to work now, I love you.”

“No you don’t, Henry, you always leave me.”

“Mamma, please don’t do this….”

…I don’t know why Johnny left without saying goodbye. Anyway, I am back now. Let’s see where I was…hmmm…Oh well, I can’t remember…

I’ll tell you about my children. The oldest is named Alex, he is around 60, then there is Barbara, she is 58, then Emily is 56, Jack is 53, Jim is 53, he and Jack are twins, Anna is 49, Betsy is 45, Brenda is 43, and then there’s Johnny and he is about 41, but I think I mentioned that already. They are all wonderful children, except those two older ones. They are the ones who sent me to this place and the never come to visit me. The least they could do is let me see my grandchildren. They don’t care about anyone but themselves…

“Sweetie, it’s time for your evening dose of happy pills. Sit up straight for me and take a big drink of water.”

“Is Henry here yet? He told me that today he is coming to take me home. I am so excited. I hope my hair looks good enough.”

“I don’t think Henry will be coming today, dear. Just lie down and rest for awhile, okay.”

“Why do you always tell me to rest? I don’t need to rest I need Henry to come and take me home, damn it!”

“Ma'am, please just relax, your blood pressure is going to rise.”

“I don’t care, I want my Henry!”

“Sweetie, hold still. You will feel a tiny pinch and it will over.”

“No, leave me alone! Call Henry, I want to get out of here now!”

Silence….

“Henry, I knew you would come and save me from this place. Everyone told me that you wouldn’t be able to.”

“I told you I was coming; I would never tell you a lie. We will be together forever now. I love you, Elsie.”

“I love you too, Henry. Please don’t ever leave me like that again”…

“Ma'am... ma'am? Wake up…it’s time to go down and eat your dinner now.”

“What? Where am I? Where is Henry?”

“You must have been dreaming. Everything’s okay sweetie, you are safe. This is your home now, and Henry isn’t here, I am sorry. Now come on, let’s get you down to dinner…”

3-29-05