It all started when my husband Michael came home drunk, just like he did every Saturday night. I had his dinner in the oven all warmed up. As normal, I sat him down at the table and handed him his plate. It was baked chicken and mashed potatoes with brown gravy, his favorite.

About fifteen minutes into his meal he told me that he didn’t feel well and needed to go lie down. That was quite a change from the normal beating I received when his dinner wasn’t suitable. I walked behind him as he stumbled to the couch. That was the last time he ever spoke to me.

The next morning I walked into the living room to get him up because he had to go to the dump before noon. He wouldn’t budge. I touched his face and it was ice cold. “Oh my God, it can’t be”, I gasped in horror as I looked down upon his lifeless form.

I grabbed my cell phone off the end table and sank into a nearby chair. I knew I had to call the police, but I was scared because I knew they’d ask me all sorts of questions and I would be the prime suspect. The spouse is always their first choice.

I spent the rest of the day locked in my bedroom preparing. I decided that I needed to withdraw all of the money I had saved over the past ten years. I knew a secret savings account would come in handy some day. I just didn’t realize it was going to be so soon. I planned to leave town the next morning and travel to our summer home on the coast in North Carolina. I would be safe there for awhile.

I arose the following morning before the crack of dawn and put everything I planned to take into the back of my truck. Then I went back inside and penned this note and put it on the table beside the couch:

Dear Michael,

I am sorry to have left you this way. I didn’t know what else to do. Help is on the way. Just know I have always loved you. Please forgive me.

Love,

Annie

I phoned the police, but didn’t speak. I knew if they didn’t get an answer they would come to the house. So, I quickly kissed Michael on the cheek and left.

As I drove along the interstate I could barely keep the truck on the road. My mind was spinning a hundred miles an hour and I could hardly see through the tears. I was relieved when I finally made it to the house. I unloaded the truck and then fell asleep on the couch.

I woke up around midnight with nightmares. I got up and fixed a cup of tea to calm my nerves, but the images kept flashing through my mind. I saw the man that sold me the poison and his sinister smile. Then I saw my husband’s lifeless body on the couch. I know he loved me. He never meant to hurt me and I sure as heck never meant to hurt him. I couldn’t take it anymore and I knew I had the rest of the poison in my purse so I poured it into my tea.

So, here I lie between life and death. Nothing matters anymore, for where I am headed is far worse than any Earthly prison. If there’s a God, I pray that He will forgive me, but even if He does, I will never forgive myself. I killed love and in return love killed me.

2-27-06